A sharp rap echoed against the heavy manor door, causing the Death Eaters to stiffen and their hands to instinctively slide toward their wands. \u201cWho\u2019s there?\u201d Voldemort hissed. \u201cJust the pizza guy, sir,\u201d came a lazy, unbothered drawl. Voldemort\u2019s crimson eyes narrowed sharply. \u201cAgain?\u201d \u201cMr. Pizza Guy, sir,\u201d the voice repeated. With a flick of a pale hand, the door swung wide. A lanky youth in a pizza uniform sauntered in, balancing a cardboard box on one hand. He possessed sun-bleached hair, half-lidded eyes, and a grin that practically reeked of California beaches. \u201cUh, who ordered the double cheese and sausage?\u201d he inquired. Biff shot straight up. \u201cRight here, dude!\u201d He grabbed the box like it was buried treasure, flipped the lid open, and took a deep breath. \u201cFinally\u2014food!\u201d The pizza delivery boy looked oddly familiar. \u201cHey, don\u2019t I know you from somewhere?\u201d Biff asked, squinting. \u201cDid you go to Ridgemont High out in California?\u201d \u201cTotally, dude,\u201d the delivery boy replied. \u201cSpicoli. Jeff Spicoli.\u201d The gathered Death Eaters stared as though a literal ghost had drifted into the room. Lucius looked positively murderous. Snape\u2019s lips twitched\u2014just once. The Carrow siblings exchanged a glance filled with total puzzlement and bewilderment, while Yaxley barely managed to stifle a laugh by coughing into his elbow. Avery wore an expression as if he had just swallowed something deeply unpleasant, fighting hard not to chuckle. \u201cYo, sorry about this, dude,\u201d Spicoli told Biff. \u201cThis place is like, so confusing and all. Took a totally wrong turn somewhere in Staffordshire. Plus, this dude named Mundungus tried to sell me a stolen cauldron. Wanted twenty galleons or something for it. I was like, \u2018Galleons of what, man?\u2019\u201d Biff paid him a few pounds. Spicoli pocketed the cash and drifted casually toward the door, pausing to survey the sinister gathering with mild curiosity. Just as Biff reached out for a slice, Voldemort loomed directly over him, his face twisted in fury and his voice dropping to an icy chill. \u201cHave I been confunded? Just what in Slytherin\u2019s name do you think you are doing?\u201d Biff grinned, completely unfazed. \u201cLearning about Death Eating\u2026 and having some food.\u201d Gasps echoed around the chamber. Nagini let out a sharp hiss, rising slightly from her coils. Voldemort\u2019s gaze cut like a razor blade. \u201cMr. Tannen, you are standing on dangerous ground. You are causing a major disturbance\u2026 on my time.\u201d Biff shrugged casually. \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking about this, My Lord. If I\u2019m here and you\u2019re here, doesn\u2019t that kind of make it our<\/i> time? Surely, there\u2019s nothing wrong with a little feast on our time.\u201d For a long moment, absolute silence filled the room. \u201cYou are completely right, Mr. Tannen,\u201d Voldemort said at last, his voice returning to a silken, terrifying smoothness. \u201cIt is our time. Yours, mine, and everyone else\u2019s in this room. But it remains my meeting.\u201d With a sharp flick of his wand, the pizza box was jerked right out of Biff\u2019s hands and floated across the chamber. Voldemort gestured lazily. \u201cAvery. Malfoy. Yaxley. Snape. Crabbe. Goyle. Step forward.\u201d The named Death Eaters obeyed instantly, their silver masks gleaming in the firelight. Voldemort\u2019s tone turned almost mocking. \u201cMr. Tannen has been kind enough to bring us a\u2026 snack. Be my guests. Help yourselves. Take a good one.\u201d The masked figures exchanged uneasy glances. Then, one by one, they reached into the box. Malfoy\u2019s pale hand snatched a slice with stiff precision. Crabbe and Goyle tore into theirs with clumsy eagerness. Yaxley sneered behind his mask but did not hesitate. At last, Voldemort himself plucked a single slice, lifting it delicately between his pale fingers. Without breaking eye contact with Biff, he took a slow, deliberate bite, the grease smearing faintly across his lipless mouth. Then, with a cruel flicker of amusement, he reached back into the box, drew out a second slice, and crouched down. Nagini rose at once, her jaws parting wide. Voldemort extended the pizza slice to her like a sacred offering. The giant serpent swallowed the greasy triangle whole with a loud hiss of satisfaction. Biff\u2019s jaw dropped in disbelief. \u201cHey, that was my pizza!\u201d he sputtered, his fists clenching at his sides. \u201cYou just fed a slice to Linguini?!\u201d Voldemort\u2019s gaze sliced back to Biff like a knife. \u201cNagini,\u201d he whispered, his voice dripping with lethal coldness. Spicoli\u2019s eyes went wide, then suddenly glazed over with a look of horrified recognition. \u201cDude\u2026 this is totally like that time Mr. Hand stole my pizza at Ridgemont High. He was all, \u2018Mr. Spicoli has been kind enough to bring us a snack\u2026\u2019<\/i> and then he like\u2026 gave my pizza away to the other kids in class.\u201d He jabbed an accusing finger at the Death Eaters, who were nervously chewing on their slices. \u201cAnd now it\u2019s happening all over again, man. History is like\u2014totally repeating itself, only way gnarlier.\u201d Biff scowled deeply. \u201cAre you seriously comparing Voldemort to your high school history teacher?\u201d Instantly, the Death Eaters hissed\u2014a low, serpentine, chilling chorus that slithered through the chamber like venom. The sound was so menacing that even Biff flinched back. Spicoli just blinked at them unblinkingly. \u201cWhoa. Chill out, reptile bros. Nobody was hissing when Mr. Hand\u2019s name came up.\u201d Voldemort\u2019s crimson eyes narrowed, though a trace of cruel amusement curled at the corner of his lip. \u201cConsider it\u2026 a lesson in obedience.\u201d The Death Eaters froze mid-bite, not daring to laugh or even swallow. Suddenly, Spicoli\u2019s pager buzzed loudly. He squinted down at the tiny screen as if it were some ancient magical rune. \u201cWhoa. Looks like I got another delivery\u2014the Dursley residence over on Privet Drive.\u201d Slinging his empty pizza bag over one shoulder, he gave a lazy shrug. \u201cGotta bounce, dark dude. No refunds.\u201d Voldemort and Snape exchanged a brief, knowing glance. Spicoli offered Biff a slow, casual salute. \u201cCatch you later, bro.\u201d \u201cLater, dude,\u201d Biff grumbled under his breath, still wishing he had gotten to eat. The California surfer slouched out of the manor as if it were the most normal place on Earth to drop off a delivery. The Death Eaters finished eating in heavy silence, deeply unsettled by the bizarre intrusion. Voldemort\u2019s red eyes glowed brighter in the dim light, his long fingers drumming rhythmically on the arm of his chair. \u201cLucius,\u201d he said at last, his voice thin as rising smoke. \u201cI will require your assistance very soon. Dumbledore must be discredited. Entirely.\u201d Lucius inclined his head in agreement, though his pale face flickered with quiet unease. For a fleeting second, the lingering memory of an old diary weighed heavily on his mind, causing him to quickly lower his eyes. The pizza grease stained their fingertips, the firelight danced across the cold stone walls, and the Dark Lord\u2019s gathering pressed on, stranger and darker than ever before. \u2e3b As the chamber gradually quieted down, Snape glided silently to Biff\u2019s side, his black robes whispering softly against the stone floor. His voice was hushed, yet it cut like a blade. \u201cDo not ever speak the Dark Lord\u2019s name so casually again,\u201d Snape murmured, his dark eyes fixed on Biff with piercing intensity. \u201cThe hiss you heard just now was pure mercy. Next time, it may not be granted.\u201d He let the warning hang heavily in the air, then leaned in even closer, his tone dropping to a low whisper. \u201cAnd one more thing, Tannen. Never summon food deliveries in the middle of a meeting. The Dark Lord tolerates zero distractions\u2014least of all yours.\u201d Biff swallowed hard, his fists finally loosening at his sides. \u201cYeah\u2026 got it,\u201d he muttered, suddenly feeling a whole lot less confident. Snape\u2019s sharp gaze lingered for a fraction of a second longer before he turned sharply away, his expression entirely unreadable.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A sharp rap echoed against the heavy manor door, causing the Death Eaters to stiffen and their hands to instinctively slide toward their wands. \u201cWho\u2019s there?\u201d Voldemort hissed. \u201cJust the pizza guy, sir,\u201d came a lazy, unbothered drawl. Voldemort\u2019s crimson eyes narrowed sharply. \u201cAgain?\u201d \u201cMr. Pizza Guy, sir,\u201d the voice repeated. With a flick of…<\/p>\n