<\/p>\n
The dress was gorgeous.<\/p>\n
That was what made it worse.<\/p>\n
Blue satin, a slim waist, elegant sleeves\u2014the sort of dress I might have picked for myself before pregnancy changed what felt comfortable.<\/p>\n
My daughter was only three months old.<\/p>\n
So when Clara called while I was at a department store and told me she had already ordered my dress for her 40th anniversary dinner, I agreed to wait.<\/p>\n
Then I looked at the tag.<\/p>\n
The size was so far from what I wore now that I assumed the boutique had somehow made a ridiculous mistake.<\/p>\n
Still, I stepped into the dress.<\/p>\n
It wouldn\u2019t even make it over my hips.<\/p>\n
I stared at my reflection, one arm still awkwardly trapped inside the fabric.<\/p>\n
My baby began fussing from the bassinet.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah,\u201d I muttered. \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
I struggled out of the dress, folded it back into the box, and called Clara.<\/p>\n
She picked up on the second ring.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid it arrive?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. I think they sent the wrong size.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was a brief silence.<\/p>\n
Then Clara laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, honey. That\u2019s yours.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat down on the edge of the bed.<\/p>\n
\u201cClara, I can\u2019t even get it on.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know. The party is two weeks away,\u201d she replied. \u201cThere\u2019s plenty of time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor what?\u201d<\/p>\n
She gave another small laugh.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s time for you to lose weight.\u201d<\/p>\n
I glanced toward the bassinet.<\/p>\n
My daughter had one tiny fist resting beside her cheek and the deeply offended expression she always wore when the world failed to feed her quickly enough.<\/p>\n
\u201cClara, I had a baby three months ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I\u2019m not going to lose four dress sizes in two weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen maybe you\u2019ll finally have some motivation.\u201d<\/p>\n
I said nothing.<\/p>\n
Clara continued.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy son has always taken care of himself. The least you can do is make an effort too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAn effort?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t make this into drama. Eat less. Walk more. You\u2019ve had months.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMonths?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJennifer, when was the last time you actually looked at yourself properly?\u201d<\/p>\n
I ended the call.<\/p>\n
Simon came home about an hour later.<\/p>\n
I was sitting on the couch feeding the baby when he noticed the dress box.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat the famous anniversary dress?\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked over at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour mother ordered it four sizes too small.\u201d<\/p>\n
Simon froze halfway through removing his jacket.<\/p>\n
\u201cBy accident?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
His expression fell.<\/p>\n
I told him everything.<\/p>\n
The laughter.<\/p>\n
The two-week deadline.<\/p>\n
The comment about making myself more attractive for him.<\/p>\n
Simon sat beside me and rubbed his hand across his face.<\/p>\n
\u201cJen\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cPlease don\u2019t tell me she\u2019s just being your mother,\u201d I said quickly.<\/p>\n
His hand fell to his side.<\/p>\n
For years, that had always been his response.<\/p>\n
Clara criticized my cooking?<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s just Mom.\u201d<\/p>\n
She asked whether Simon actually liked the way I decorated our house?<\/p>\n
\u201cIgnore her.\u201d<\/p>\n
He had always supported me\u2026 privately.<\/p>\n
That difference had never bothered me quite as much as it did that day.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not wearing it,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course you\u2019re not.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll get something else.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll get something else,\u201d Simon corrected.<\/p>\n
I looked down at our sleeping daughter.<\/p>\n
Simon followed my gaze.<\/p>\n
Then he muttered, \u201cI should\u2019ve stopped this a long time ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t respond.<\/p>\n
Two days later, Simon came shopping with me.<\/p>\n
I picked out a pretty dress made from soft fabric, with a waist that actually sat where my waist was now.<\/p>\n
I could sit comfortably in it.<\/p>\n
I could breathe.<\/p>\n
I could lift my arms without feeling like the dress was about to fall apart.<\/p>\n
When I walked out of the fitting room, Simon smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat one!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou haven\u2019t even seen the others,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t care.\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned toward the mirror.<\/p>\n
Simon appeared behind me in the reflection.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou comfortable?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen we\u2019re done.\u201d<\/p>\n
I bought it.<\/p>\n
What I didn\u2019t know was that Simon made a phone call later that afternoon.<\/p>\n
The anniversary dinner was being held at an expensive restaurant outside the city, the kind of place where linen napkins were folded like sculptures and the private dining room was bigger than our first apartment.<\/p>\n
Clara loved events like that.<\/p>\n
She loved rules too.<\/p>\n
Women in blue or black.<\/p>\n
Men in tuxedos.<\/p>\n
No casual jackets.<\/p>\n
No patterned ties.<\/p>\n
A professional photographer at 7:30.<\/p>\n
Family portrait before dessert.<\/p>\n
Clara had sent everyone a three-page schedule.<\/p>\n
When Simon and I walked inside, Dave noticed us first.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere they are!\u201d<\/p>\n
My father-in-law crossed the room and hugged Simon, then me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou look lovely, Jennifer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then Clara turned around.<\/p>\n
Her eyes immediately went to my dress.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s NOT what I ordered.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Clara slowly looked me up and down.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can see that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Simon stepped closer to me.<\/p>\n
I kept my voice calm.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe other one didn\u2019t fit\u2026 so I\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt would have if you\u2019d listened,\u201d she snapped.<\/p>\n
Dave looked between us.<\/p>\n
\u201cClara\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat? I\u2019m not going to lie to her.\u201d<\/p>\n
She pinched the fabric around her own waist.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis one doesn\u2019t do you any favors either. It looks CHEAP.\u201d<\/p>\n
Simon stepped in.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom, enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
The room seemed to contract around those two words.<\/p>\n
Clara stared at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m helping your wife.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. You\u2019re insulting my wife.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her cheeks became flushed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI only want what\u2019s best for you, Simmy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then she looked straight at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy son deserves a more attractive woman.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at Simon, but suddenly I didn\u2019t want anyone defending me.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t want to stand in the middle of somebody else\u2019s anniversary celebration while everyone discussed whether my body was acceptable.<\/p>\n
\u201cI need to use the restroom.\u201d<\/p>\n
Simon reached toward my arm.<\/p>\n
\u201cJen\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
I wasn\u2019t, but I wanted five minutes of silence more than I wanted another argument.<\/p>\n
Inside the restroom, I locked myself in a stall and sat down on the closed toilet.<\/p>\n
I was furious.<\/p>\n
At Clara.<\/p>\n
At myself for still allowing her words to affect me.<\/p>\n
And at Simon, just a little, because years of telling me to \u201cignore her\u201d had apparently taught his mother that she could say anything and still have a place at our table afterward.<\/p>\n
A minute later, I heard the restroom door open.<\/p>\n
Two women were talking near the sinks.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid yours fit?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEventually.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cClara told the boutique to alter the sleeves.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stopped breathing for a moment.<\/p>\n
The other woman gave an uneasy laugh.<\/p>\n
\u201cMine too. She said my arms photographed badly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re kidding.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wish.\u201d<\/p>\n
Their voices disappeared as they walked out.<\/p>\n
I stared at the stall door.<\/p>\n
My dress wasn\u2019t the only one.<\/p>\n
Clara hadn\u2019t simply given me an unfortunate gift.<\/p>\n
She had been arranging women.<\/p>\n
Then Clara screamed from somewhere outside the restroom.<\/p>\n
\u201cThose are mine!\u201d<\/p>\n
I hurried into the hallway.<\/p>\n
The private dining room had turned into chaos.<\/p>\n
A server rushed past me toward the entrance.<\/p>\n
Three garment bags were hanging from a rolling rack beside a woman I didn\u2019t recognize.<\/p>\n
She wore a sleek black suit and had a boutique name badge clipped near her shoulder.<\/p>\n
Clara had arranged for several women\u2019s dresses to be brought directly to the restaurant for final fittings before the photographs.<\/p>\n
Simon was standing beside her.<\/p>\n
Dave stood several feet away, looking extremely uncomfortable.<\/p>\n
Clara had one hand wrapped around the handle of a garment bag.<\/p>\n
\u201cMa\u2019am,\u201d the woman said calmly, \u201cplease let go.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI paid for those dresses!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou paid reservation deposits.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t play games with me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cClara,\u201d Dave said, \u201clet the woman do her job.\u201d<\/p>\n
Clara turned toward him.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is our property!\u201d<\/p>\n
The woman corrected her.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. These garments remain the boutique\u2019s property until the women they were ordered for accept them and the remaining balances are paid. You also disputed the remaining charges after insisting we bring the dresses here tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n
Dave looked at Clara.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou did what?\u201d<\/p>\n
Clara\u2019s expression changed.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere were problems with the orders.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cProblems you requested,\u201d the woman replied. \u201cWe have every alteration and size change documented under your authorization.\u201d<\/p>\n
Clara stiffened.<\/p>\n
She turned toward the restaurant manager.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you seriously going to let her walk out of here carrying thousands of dollars\u2019 worth of my clothing?\u201d<\/p>\n
The manager kept his hands folded calmly in front of him.<\/p>\n
\u201cMa\u2019am, she has documentation showing the garments belong to the boutique.\u201d<\/p>\n
Clara gripped the garment bag even tighter.<\/p>\n
\u201cNobody is taking these anywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n
The coordinator reached for it.<\/p>\n
\u201cMa\u2019am, I need you to release the garment.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI said no.\u201d<\/p>\n
The restaurant manager stepped closer.<\/p>\n
\u201cMa\u2019am, if you refuse to return the boutique\u2019s property, I\u2019ll have to call the police.\u201d<\/p>\n
Clara stared at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cGo ahead.\u201d<\/p>\n
He did.<\/p>\n
Twenty minutes later, two police officers walked into the private dining room.<\/p>\n
By that point, several guests had stopped pretending they weren\u2019t watching.<\/p>\n
Clara approached the officers before anyone else could.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s trying to remove property I paid for.\u201d<\/p>\n
One officer looked toward the boutique coordinator.<\/p>\n
\u201cMa\u2019am?\u201d<\/p>\n
The woman handed him a folder.<\/p>\n
As they went through it, one of the officers looked around the room.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs Jennifer here?\u201d<\/p>\n
Every face seemed to turn toward me.<\/p>\n
I stepped forward.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s me.\u201d<\/p>\n
The officer gave me a reassuring look.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re not in any trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n
Clara opened her mouth.<\/p>\n
He raised one hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cMa\u2019am, please.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then he looked back at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe were called because of a dispute involving formalwear from this event. The vendor has provided documentation showing the disputed garments belong to the boutique.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at Clara.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re fighting over dresses that don\u2019t even belong to you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey were paid for!\u201d<\/p>\n
The officer replied, \u201cDeposits were paid. That is not the same as ownership.\u201d<\/p>\n
Clara\u2019s face turned bright red.<\/p>\n
The boutique coordinator quietly added, \u201cSome of the garments were never accepted by the women they were ordered for.\u201d<\/p>\n
I thought about the two women I had heard in the restroom.<\/p>\n
Then Simon touched my elbow.<\/p>\n
\u201cJen, come with me.\u201d<\/p>\n
He guided me away from the dining room toward the coatroom, with the coordinator following behind us carrying a tablet.<\/p>\n
Clara started walking after us.<\/p>\n
Dave caught her arm.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet them go.\u201d<\/p>\n
The coordinator opened an order record.<\/p>\n
My name appeared at the top.<\/p>\n
Jennifer.<\/p>\n
Underneath it was my correct current dress size.<\/p>\n
Then there was a later modification.<\/p>\n
Four sizes smaller.<\/p>\n
Authorized by Clara.<\/p>\n
Beside it was one typed instruction:<\/p>\n
DO NOT SUBSTITUTE LARGER.<\/p>\n
I read it twice.<\/p>\n
Simon spoke quietly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI called the boutique two days ago because I wanted to exchange the dress.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou did?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
The coordinator scrolled farther down.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is something else you should probably see.\u201d<\/p>\n
She opened another attachment Clara had included with the dress orders.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour mother-in-law wanted every outfit coordinated according to where each woman would stand in the family portrait.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at Simon.<\/p>\n
Then back at the screen.<\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t another clothing order.<\/p>\n
It was a positioning diagram.<\/p>\n
At the top were three words.<\/p>\n
FORMAL FAMILY PORTRAIT<\/p>\n
Names had been arranged into rows.<\/p>\n
Beside several of the women were handwritten instructions.<\/p>\n
Jacket closed.<\/p>\n
Keep seated.<\/p>\n
Turn left.<\/p>\n
Sleeves down.<\/p>\n
Then I found mine.<\/p>\n
JENNIFER \u2013 BACK EDGE. SIMON FRONT.<\/p>\n
I stared at the screen.<\/p>\n
Clara hadn\u2019t simply wanted me thinner.<\/p>\n
She had already decided what to do if I wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
Behind us, her voice broke through the hallway.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat exactly are you showing her?\u201d<\/p>\n
Simon turned around.<\/p>\n
Clara stood there with Dave behind her.<\/p>\n
Her face was still red from the embarrassment with the police, but now anger had taken over.<\/p>\n
Simon looked at the screen one more time.<\/p>\n
Then he looked at his mother.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom, was Jennifer supposed to lose weight\u2026 or disappear?\u201d<\/p>\n
Clara said nothing.<\/p>\n
And for the first time that entire night, neither did I.<\/p>\n
Clara eventually found her voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was trying to make the picture look nice.\u201d<\/p>\n
Simon stepped beside me.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen hear me clearly, Mom. From now on, you don\u2019t comment on Jen\u2019s body. You don\u2019t choose clothes to change her, and you don\u2019t decide where she belongs in a photograph. If you can\u2019t respect that, we won\u2019t be coming to these parties.\u201d<\/p>\n
Clara stared at him.<\/p>\n
Simon didn\u2019t look away.<\/p>\n
Dave looked at his wife.<\/p>\n
\u201cClara, it\u2019s our 40th anniversary.\u201d He shook his head. \u201cI think I\u2019ve earned one photograph of my family instead of your arrangement of them.\u201d<\/p>\n
The photographer approached carefully.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow would you like everyone positioned?\u201d<\/p>\n
Clara inhaled as though preparing to answer.<\/p>\n
Dave interrupted.<\/p>\n
\u201cAsk them.\u201d<\/p>\n
So he did.<\/p>\n
People stood wherever they wanted.<\/p>\n
An aunt remained seated because her knees hurt. One cousin took off the wrap Clara had insisted she wear. I stood beside Simon, exactly where I wanted to be.<\/p>\n
Before the picture was taken, I whispered, \u201cDo I look okay?\u201d<\/p>\n
Simon looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you comfortable, Jen?\u201d<\/p>\n
I glanced down at the dress I had chosen.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen you\u2019re good.\u201d<\/p>\n
Click.<\/p>\n
Later, the boutique coordinator held up Clara\u2019s blue dress.<\/p>\n
\u201cWould you like this reordered in your correct size?\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at it once.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I handed it back myself.<\/p>\n
Near the end of the evening, one of the grandchildren showed Clara a candid photo taken during all the chaos.<\/p>\n
Dave\u2019s tie was crooked. Someone was laughing with their mouth open. I was holding a forkful of cake.<\/p>\n
Clara started, \u201cDelete\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Then stopped.<\/p>\n
She looked at it again.<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2026send me that one.\u201d<\/p>\n
Across the room, I took another bite of cake.<\/p>\n
Clara noticed.<\/p>\n
For once, she kept her opinion to herself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The dress was gorgeous. That was what made it worse. Blue satin, a slim waist, elegant sleeves\u2014the sort of dress I might have picked for myself before pregnancy changed what felt comfortable. My daughter was only three months old. So when Clara called while I was at a department store and told me she…<\/p>\n